you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
