so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
