he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
