he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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