I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
