There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
