I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
