That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
