there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
