My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
