I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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