tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
