Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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