The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
