you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
