i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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