If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
