She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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