I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
