we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
