We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
