He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize