You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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