OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
