can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
