Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
