she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
