I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
