just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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