Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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