So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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