Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Screwed.edu
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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