three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
