I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
