Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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