new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
