I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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