Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
