I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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