youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
