I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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