Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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