Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
