Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
