Your face is a jimmy john
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
