matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
