shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
