Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
