As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
