my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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