i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
