im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
