you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
