Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
