Someone shit on the floor
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize