I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
