mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
