Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
