My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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