I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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