You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
