be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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