she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
