I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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