I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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