Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
