mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
