Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
