Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
