What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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