I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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